Why Change Feels Hard and How Ayurveda Can Help Us Through It
Sorry to burst your bubble but change never comes without effort. In our modern world, there's been a growing trend for experts who promise “easy transformations” and "low-effort results". But deep down, we know the truth – real change always asks something of us.
Nature As Our Greatest Teacher
Ayurveda teaches us that nature reflects the principles of transformation and therefore, evolution. In Sankhya Philosophy, evolution begins with an interaction between the conscious observer (Prakriti) and physical matter (Purusha). Without this initial potential or movement, there would be no cascading effect or manifestation of a "thing".
There would be no breeze to cause movement or friction, no friction to generate heat and transformation, no heat to create condensation and no water to settle and create earth.
There is a universal law of push and pull, expansion and contraction, give and take. Without that motion and exchange, things can't propel forwards and take new forms. In simple terms, nothing new is created without some kind of movement or friction. Change needs a spark.
Taking Credit for Our Effort
To say that we can achieve or reach something or somewhere without effort is to deny life and our own involvement in shaping it.
It reminds me of a follow-up consultation I had with a client last year. She'd made significant improvements in her health. When I asked if she found the suggestions easy to incorporate into her day-to-day life, she replied: "Not easy – they needed effort. But, they were do-able and I now do them with intention."
Selling programmes and packages that are “easy” and align “seamlessly” into our routine, almost like you wouldn't notice, actually undermines our role and what it takes for change to happen. It creates this idea of things magically happening to and for us but without us having to lift a finger. True transformation comes from our active involvement.
The feedback I get from clients time and time again towards the end of our work together is that they are feeling more settled within themselves and have better self-awareness. That sense of achievement and stability comes from deliberate and consistent action that they led themselves with through this time. It didn't come easy, but they did it. This is an outcome linked to what psychologists call self-efficacy and self-agency.
Why Change Feels Hard
Change can feel really hard, even when we know it's good for us. Understanding why can help us move through it with compassion and awareness.
Comfort and Familiarity
Doing things the way we’ve always done them can act like a bit of a comfort blanket. We are familiar with the ways, the routes, the outcomes. This level of comfort can be the very reason why we sometimes stay in those jobs, relationships or habits we would be better for leaving. Familiarity feels safer than the unknown.
Fearing the Unknown
The body and mind crave familiarity and predictability. Change signals a potential threat to our primitive brain and this makes us hyper-vigilant and anxious. From an Ayurvedic perspective, major life transitions and alterations to our daily routine (both positive and negative) can disturb Vata dosha (think erratic and mobile nature). This can show up as anxiety, insomnia, fatigue, digestive disturbances, menstrual irregularities, and even a compromised immune system.
It’s helpful to pause and check-in – is this something you are excited about or worried about? According to Ayurveda, both nervousness and anxiety can stem from the same Vata imbalance.
Internal Conflict
Over the years of doing things in a particular way, we can develop a self-image, identity tie or persona related to these behaviours or lifestyle. Changing them can create a tension between who we’ve been and who we are becoming – a phenomenon known as cognitive dissonance.
For example, someone who has always been "the life and soul of the party" might now feel strange enjoying quieter activities or have quit drinking. This mismatch might feel strange or uncomfortable but can also signal growth as they branch out to enjoy different things.
Social Pressure
In some cases, it’s not just internal cognitive dissonance we experience but pressure from family and peers to continue behaving the way they see you. Often in families and friendship circles we take on unspoken roles – the designated taxi driver, baby-sitter, event organiser, the dependable one or drinking buddy. When we take a side-step out of these roles or behaviours, we might notice some initial resistance from those around us as they adjust too.
Emotional Attachment
From an Ayurvedic lens, excess Kapha dosha can create a sense of resistance and attachment to the familiar. In fact, behaviours that are obsessive in nature such as OCD or hoarding are often seen where there is excess Kapha dosha in our mindset. Gently shaking up our ways with people we trust can help us loosen our grip and invite newness with curiosity instead of fear. But, if we find this becomes a lot to handle, it is best to seek professional support from your doctor in the first instance.
Lack of Instant Gratification
In a time when many of our wants can be rewarded instantaneously (streaming TV shows, same-day deliveries, one-click purchases), action without instant gratification leaves us feeling frustrated as we can’t see the rewards straight away. Real change unfolds slowly. It is found in the quiet and uncelebrated moments. Keeping this in mind can help buffer the frustration and stay focused on the long-term reward.
Fear of Failure
Change is not linear. Setbacks are part of the process. In a previous blog post, we looked at the Cycle of Change theory which includes relapse as a predictable part of change. Rather than seeing slip-ups as a failure, see them as a sign of having the courage to move in the direction of change in the first place. It’s still a step forward from where you once were.
How We Can Support Ourselves Through Change
There's a balance to strike here – being compassionate with our nervous system while recognising that nothing will change if nothing changes.
How can we do this?
Increasing Bodily Awareness
Clenched jaw? Tense stomach? Holding your breath again? Becoming aware of our typical automatic responses to stress doesn’t mean they’ll never happen again, but we start to get greater clarity, soften and course-correct ourselves in the moment so that the feeling isn’t as intense.
Grounding techniques
In times that can make us feel flighty and untethered, engage your senses through the five great elements. This can look like:
Space – Create quiet moments for reflection
Air – Step outdoors to feel the breeze on your face
Fire – Do some stretches, gentle yoga or dance
Water – Take a warm bath
Earth – Walk barefoot or do some gardening with your hands
These practices help to keep us in-the-moment as we often can’t think of much else when we’re trying to concentrate on physically challenging postures or having the wind blown in our faces! They help to stabilise Vata dosha and calm restlessness.
Slow Down the Pace of Change
Sometimes we create self-imposed deadlines and aim to change things all at once and suddenly. But who says it needs to happen that way? Particularly for big life transitions, ask yourself if things can be slowed down a tad to reduce the cognitive, emotional and physical load.
Stay Connected
Choosing to spend time with people who you feel yourself, vibrant and alive around is a core piece to get through times of change – turbulent or exciting. In Ayurveda, Vishuddha chakra (the throat chakra) is associated with Vata dosha and oversees expression. When we don’t have a healthy outlet for our thoughts, be it talking or writing them down, we risk the downstream effects of suppressing one of our key detoxification processes. Sharing our thoughts helps us to make sense of them and digest them, making the whole experience of change a little lighter and with greater clarity.
The thing is, change, whether positive or negative, will inevitably lead to some level of disruption. We often focus on negative changes such as a divorce, family breakdown, bereavement or job loss and appreciate the sudden jolt in uprooting and adjustment that takes place. But, even positive changes will lead to some amount of dysregulation. Think of a newly formed relationship and getting to know each others habits etc., or the changes that come after having a baby or moving home. A mixture of excitement, nerves and readjustment still leads to disruption, yet we don't frame it that way as we do when the experience is negative or sad.
Small Steps Can Be Significant
We won't always have control over the changes that we experience in life. But, if we do get the chance to shape them slightly, we can choose to commit to small changes consistently rather than a total life overhaul overnight which our nervous system won't forgive us for.
Smaller shifts have greater lasting power because they're actionable and realistic.
Be Bold
We're seeing a wave of marketing that sells an illusion of change without effort. We know the truth to be different.
Yes, change can feel difficult, but that’s because real growth asks us to believe in something we haven't yet encountered – our future self, our next idea or new direction. That takes courage. It takes getting uncomfortable. It takes being OK with uncertainty to a degree. When we understand and appreciate this, we realise we won’t just wake up one day feeling different, and we start creating change. No matter how small, change always takes action.